The Joys of Retail

I wrote this last year when I working at a Christmas Store over break.

Every Christmas break I mooch off her parents for extra cash. I'm not proudof it. So I decided to get a job at the mall this holiday, or anywhere really, that would hire me for three weeks.My mom landed me a job at the mall...her former coworker was managing a storefor the holiday season.

I started the job and should have quit on the spotwhen they asked me to wear a red apron with the store's name, "ChristmasCorner" draped on the front.I'm not big on Christmas decorations. I'm not big on Christmas music. I'mnot big on Santa, Reindeer or Snowmen. I'm not a scrooge, it's just that mymom is so obsessed with decorating the house, the tree, the bush outside,that I've grown to ignore it. Lisa Meagher and this store sound like aperfect fit, right? Right.

My supervisor teaches me the cash register first. A monkey could figure outhow tooperate this thing, yet I'm struggling with it for the first three shifts. Ihad to rely on my trusty 14 year old coworkers to bail me out if I ran acredit card twice by accident, or if I couldn't exchange a return correctly.When there are people lined up waiting to pay, you start to sweat and getstressed out. It's important to master the cash register.I work with three 14 year olds. Yes, this is illegal. We all get paid underthe table, $6 an hour. The girls who cake makeup on their faces, have fakenails and put anoverabundance of hairspray enjoy reminding me every shift, "Wow, I stillcan't get believe that you're 21. I don't look 14, do I?? Everyone tellsme I look at least 18. " No, actually, you look like you ought to be workingon the corner.

We have two tasks during our shifts: Cash register or "out on the floor,"which basically means organizing the ornaments hanging on the hooks or making surethe displays look presentable. We can take turns, but whoever gets therefirst grabs the cash register.I've reshelved so many decorations that I can tell you where the frog, guitarand "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments are located in the store. I want to rip people's heads off when they pick up an ornament, then deliberately putit back on a hook with other ornaments that it is clearly different from.Hello! Betty Boop does not belong on the same hook as the cars. Now, you b****, I have to reshelve that!!! Couldn't you just place Betty back withthe other Betty's??!?! Would that be so hard?We play a horrible selection of Christmas music. Well, is any selection ofChristmas music, GOOD? If I hear one more rendition of Jingle Bells I thinkI'll be forced to throw myself over the mall rail. You know you've been at the store too long when the 6 cd's begin to repeat and you remember hearingBritney sing "All I want for Christmas is a boyfriend" when your shift started.

The requests of Christmas decor from customers never ceases to amaze me:Excuse me, maam, do you have a seated camel to go with my Nativity scene?Excuse me, do you have any trumpet ornaments? Excuse me, do you have anyornaments that say, "To my second cousin on Christmas? Excuse me, do youhave any M&M ornaments (the candy, not the rapper, I thought that was what they meant originally).You wouldn't believe the stuff people buy. It's crap, really. Everything in our store isoverpriced by 300%...and it all goes 50% off the day after Christmas.

I rung up a lady yesterday and her one ornament cost TEN dollars. When I told her the total, she said, "Really? I thought it was $14.99? Oh wait, I'm so silly, I was looking at the California price, geez, we live in the USA!"Lady, you meant to say Canada, right?!?! I'm beginning to think the majority of people are illiterate. As soon as they walk in,"Where can I find a Nutcracker?" Well, there is a section titled,NUTCRACKERS.Perhaps that's where you can find it? "Where can I find an ornament for ababy's first Christmas?" Um, perhaps the CHILDREN section? Yeah, try there.

The job is so tedious. I find it makes me LAZY; I go in the back "Employee"area to walk around and act like I'm doing work, even though I'm not really.I sit on the floor making it look like I'm opening boxes when I'm juststaring into space, thankful for the chance to let my legs rest.I live in a small town. I went to high school in a small town. The mall islocated in that small town, so if you do the math, the odds of running intopeople you know is pretty high. When you're shopping in the mall it's okayto run into old high school friends, but well, working there, it's a bit embarrassing. You always get, "Hey, did you graduate early with AP credit,is this your full time job?" Um, no.

I had plenty of friends who worked at the mall in high school. I neverunderstood why they would come home with packages from other stores after their shift. You know what though? I do the same. You spend the money you haven't made yet, because you wallow in the fact that your job stinks so much. You jump at the chancefor a 15 minute break to go and buy yourself a new top. I eat at the foodcourt on my other 15 minute break. I've stopped though, b/c I realize thatI'm spending an hours worth of work on dinner...although those Cinnabons sure are tasty.

Now, I know Jersey is the brunt of many jokes. I do my best to stick up for my hometown state. But you know what? Jersey does "suck", just like any otherstate's suburb. My mom bought me a shirt yesterday that says "Jersey Girl"on it so I can wear it for a laugh around campus. When my mom was purchasing it I said to her, "This will be great...everyone at school makesfun of me for being from NJ" The cashier guy turns to me and says, "You get made fun of from being from NJ??!@?!?!" He was honestly shocked.

I always said people should work in retail and the restaurant business in thier life at some point. We all shop and go out to eat, it seems appropriate. I think if you work in retail for 3 days though, that's enough...you've fulfilled your requirement to understand what a pain in the butt it is.

Hope you're all having a great holiday, come visit me at the Deptford Mall!